so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
