I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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