I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
