dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
