She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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