3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize