omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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