This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
