Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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