I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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