it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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