I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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