Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
