You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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