She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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