you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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