are you still at the devil's house?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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