this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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