a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
