I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
