Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
