Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
