Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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