dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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