i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
