finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My dick has a subreddit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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