so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
