You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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