you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize