I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize