Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
