I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
