I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
