The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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