covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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