Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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