Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
