id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
