I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
