You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
