what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
