Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
