i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
