I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
