im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize