saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
