But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
