I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
