After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
