Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
