I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
