You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
