oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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