hotel room ftw
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
