I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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