I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
