Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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