I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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