I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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