im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
