margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
