it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MIDGETS
????
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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