dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
